Gertrude and Mable Celebrate

A few more New Year's revelers came into the diner and sat at the counter. The overhead TV showed people dancing and celebrating.

"It's been a decent year," Barney said, raising his soda. "The market's recovering and they're selling good recreational drugs on TV: Viagra, Levitra, Cialis!"

"Sounds like the sirens from a Greek play." Gertrude sighed.

"You seen the commercial on TV? The handsome guy tosses his football through a tire. Then his wife shows up all smiles. Talk about symbolism." Barney grinned.

"You mean men and women are portrayed as footballs and tires?" Mabel looked dubious.

"I saw that commercial," Gertrude said, "and he looked far too young for any such medication. Maybe if on occasion he had a little pot he wouldn't need all those chemicals wrecking havoc in his body."

"Careful," Harry laughed. "Comments like that could get you dragged off for reprogramming by Homeland Security."

"One of these days pot will be legalized for medical purposes," Gertrude prophesized. "Then in their wisdom perhaps the Justice Department will start going after people with dandelions growing on their lawns."

"A mighty midnight," Barney hooted ignoring Gertrude's comment. He waved his soda in the air. "Turn my plowshares back into a sword."

"Your mind is certainly focused in one direction," Mabel blushed.

"At my age there isn't much else to think about," Barney grinned. "Do it while you're young," he called out to no one in particular."

"Oh they are," Harry laughed. "Doing more than guys our age could ever conceive possible. All the rules have changed." He bit into another potato skin.

"Makes you wonder what's next," Mabel said. "Now that it's possible for women to have children well into their sixties."

"Don't get any funny ideas," Barney pleaded. "Been there done that! Now's the time to relax and enjoy." He patted his tummy and started in on another fish stick.

"As I understand it," Gertrude put in tartly, "The older we are the less we need to eat." She picked at a piece of buffalo chicken.

"Speak for yourself," Barney laughed. "The good Lord invented fish sticks and I for one am glad He did."

Al turned up the sound on the overhead TV. Cheering crowds were gathered in Time Square. In the nearby hotels, bands played and people in formal clothes sat drinking and waving to the cameras. Then the commercials: a special message for hemorrhoid suffers, followed by a pitch for gooey oven fresh pizza, and then one showing people guzzling diet soda.

Harry looked over at Gertrude." Any plans for later tonight?" he asked.

"How about it honey, wanna come back home with me?" Barney said, looking expectantly at Mabel.

Gertrude looked at Mabel and laughed. "We don't really know you boys well enough; maybe next year." Mabel nodded. Barney frowned and reached for another fish stick.

"Can't win 'em all," Harry grinned, "Hey Al," he called out. "How about some of that cheesecake?"