Gertrude and Mable Go Classified

As Mabel entered the sitting room Gertrude was writing feverishly on a notepad. "Whatever are you doing?"

"I decided to take the bull by the horns and get a free classified in Senior Circuit News."

"Planning on selling your old sewing machine?"

Gertrude smiled and looked up at her friend. "I'm going to find me a man in the personals. It's high time I had me a beau."

"Whatever for? So you can make sure he takes his medicine on time!"

"There's a wild child in me looking to kick up her heels and have some fun. Don't believe what they say about us seniors losing interest. That's a myth. It's just not true."

"Let me see that," Mabel said. She reached over and picked up Gertrude's writing pad. "Last Tango in Grafton," she read aloud. "Untamed older F seeks strong, handsome daredevil for wild times.' Why that's scurrilous! Absolutely prurient!" Mabel chided disapprovingly. "You'd better hope the Director doesn't read this or you'll get expelled from the rest home. Then what would you do?"

"Expelled for what! Having a boyfriend?"

"It's not dignified for a woman of your years to even suggest something like that let alone advertise for some Lothario to come knocking at your door!"

"Like what? Going to the movies and holding hands. Taking an afternoon walk and maybe sharing a few friendly kisses!"

"It doesn't stop there and you know it," Mabel said visibly upset. "How could you be so innocent? Don't you know that older men take drugs like Viagra and are after much more than you might think."

"That makes two of us!" Gertrude said emphatically. "It's a new century you know. Queen Victoria's been dead for over a hundred years."

"Just watch, before you know it he'll have you doing his laundry, making his lunch, even cleaning up his room."

"I doubt it," Gertrude frowned. "No man is his right mind would want to eat my cooking. Whenever I'm set loose in a kitchen I use too much garlic and hot peppers. I'm not advertising to become someone's maid, just his girlfriend. Besides it would be nice to have that kind of intimacy again before shipping out to the Promised Land."

"If I were you I'd wait till you get there."

"But then I won't have a body anymore." Gertrude complained. "What fun would that be?"

"If you're determined to do this I'd better be on hand to protect you and act as your chaperone. That way you'll be safe and stay out of trouble."

"Sorry for what! Having a good time? A chaperone is the last thing I need or want." Gertrude assured her. "But once we're cozy I'll ask him if he's got a friend for you. Then we can double date and all go to the movies."

Mabel shook her head. " I can't believe that at your age you still want that kind of attention." She sighed.

"Got that one right!" Gertrude winked. " And the more the merrier too." (To be continued)