Harry and Barney Go Fishing

"I think its time," Barney told his pal Harry as they sat together in the game room of their rest home.

"Time for what?" Harry asked, his face hidden by his newspaper.

"Me finding a new woman," Barney said boldly.

"What for?" Harry asked. He lowered the paper and stared at his friend. "You've got everything you need right here. They clean up our rooms, feed us, and even drive us to the doctors. What else could you want?"

"Maybe that's enough for you." Barney said, pointing out the personals in Senior Circuit. "But I need companionship. Someone to take fishing who will help me clean the fish."

"Women don't clean fish." Harry said emphatically. "If they did you wouldn't need supermarkets."

"Someone to serve me breakfast in bed." Barney went on.

"So move your bed into the kitchen and then when you wake up it'll be right there."

"That's not the point," Barney complained. "I need companionship.". He reiterated. "Someone who likes baseball."

"So you want a woman who cooks, cleans fish and likes baseball. Good luck to you."

"She's out there. I know she is." Barney insisted. "It's just a matter of finding her."

"Needles in haystacks would be easier,' Harry urged. "Better you should say dinner and dancing, then you might have a chance."

"I don't dance," Barney said resolutely. "Not my thing."

'Women like to dance especially on their birthdays. They like being given fancy jewelry and pretty new clothes."

"And what's she giving back to me?"

"If you're lucky she'll put up with you. Right there, that’s a lot."

"What's to put up with? I'm generous. I like the great outdoors, cutting bate, visiting trout hatcheries."

"Some women don't fish," Harry warned. "That's all I can say. Don't you know that at our age one wants to be pampered and looked after. That's why we sold our homes and moved in here. Now you want more. You have to be satisfied."

"Next thing you'll say is that they don't like cigars."

"A woman who likes the smell of a cigar is a blessing to behold." Harry smiled.

"Maybe I should go look in China. I hear Asian women are completely devoted to their men."

"That may be true," Harry agreed. "Closest I ever got to one was the Chinese girl in the PX during the war. She made wonderful sandwiches."

"See," Barney said quickly. "What did I tell you."

"But!" Harry interjected. "I think they found out she was a spy."

Barney picked up the Senior Circuit and perused the personal listings. "Here," he said, "Listen to this, 'Last Tango In Grafton,' he read the entire classified aloud. "Sounds good!" he said writing down her phone number. "This feels like a match made in heaven. Her name's Gertrude, and she's motivated."

"We'll see," Harry said smiling at his friend. "Either heaven or you know where."